Betsy’s 2 Homebirthsfeatured

1st Homebirth: Veyda

Veyda’s Birth Story! Written in early December, 2018 by Betsy.

I wish I hadn’t waited as long to write this because the feelings and twangs of the initial postpartum period are dissipating and I have to catch what moments and thoughts that are still lingering. I’ve been meaning to for weeks already, to sit down and do this, and as I write I can hear my baby out in the living room, in daddy’s arms, wondering where I am per her whimpers. But alas I’m doing it, for I owe myself a bit of time for reflection and continued bonding with Ted. 

It was 0230 on Tuesday morning, November 20, 2018. My new roof had started being replaced the day before (Veyda’s due date) and Ted and I had been in Albq that day, getting more of his stuff and his cat for his official move to Taos. We had been separate all summer, working and saving money, after a 2.5 year long-distance relationship. It was his ticket out of the hot city where he worked 60+ hours painting for the films. The roofer sweetly said I looked too comfortable to be so close to our baby coming-HA! I felt that I would be one of those very late with my first baby, but I had read in one of my pregnancy books about making a “special batch” of pregnancy tea that was ultra-concentrated and to “put the midwives on call!”. I hesitated at making it because of that sentence, but did anyway and cautiously sipping it, slightly diluted. In retrospect I could have just let things progress without my impatient though subtle interventions.

We went to bed that night around 11pm per usual, but around 0230 I woke up with what I thought was gas pains. I got up a few times and tried to have a bowel movement and ultimately did, hoping that would be it, but instead the waves of discomfort kept coming and it wasn’t until 4am or so that I admittedly knew I was in labor, after confirmation from Ted’s phone timer that my surges were about 45 seconds long and 2-3 minutes apart! No going back now! We stopped paying attention to timing anything soon after.

None of that “early labor” applied to me. It was intense and fast-moving from the start. I took an epsom salt bath, which did not slow anything down.

Dorothy arrived to check me and I think they doubted I was progressing so quickly for a first baby. Rachel’s phone was off and I almost sent Ted over to wake her up since she lives less than a mile down the road, but I guess Dorothy ended up getting a hold of her. I had a little “surge station” set up on the couch with pillows, blue disposable towels and my heating pad.

It is so funny how I now had zero modesty considering I had been pretty private with the midwives and they hadn’t done any cervical checks leading up to this. I was 6cm and moving fast! It was getting harder to breathe through them and I could not talk whatsoever, for I was so deep in uncomfortable concentration. It was impossible to sit still, to close my eyes, to “rest”. Ted went about the morning, made some coffee, texted my mom and sister (I had initially told them but after that could barely speak). He let the women do their thing before I needed him near me for support. I couldn’t believe the intensity of what I was feeling but had no idea how long it might last and how close I was. I dreaded it going on another 12 hours but I also felt I was closer than I or they realized!

When I got in the tub again, my water broke, just as my mother’s had with me! A surge came and I suddenly felt an urgent and indescribable urge to push. With that, I pushed something out, thinking it was a clot or something (I knew it wasn’t the baby!) and thankfully the fluid was clear. My water had broken! The next couple of contractions were not as intense actually, but I could sense the baby’s head moving lower and lower. What clockwork! 

I got out of the tub and walked around the house laboring. Dorothy checked the baby’s heart rate which stayed consistent and they watched me, readied their supplies and spoke amongst themselves. I wished they had done it in front of me because I was wondering what they were saying. As a nurse I felt I could separate my ego and felt left out of the medical conversation. I’m sure them talking in the other room was supposed to protect me from worrying, however I could see them and not hear them and it made me nervous. I did not enjoy being touched or massaged like I thought I would. The essential oil massages I looked forward to from Ted did not happen, because of time and my temperament. I was not angry or mean but realized I just needed to be in my own zone and the extra stimulation and talking did not help. Some of the intensity made me want to vomit but the nausea subsided in between them. I tried to pee but couldn’t and thought of a momma friend that had to transfer because her bladder was occluded from the baby’s head’s pressure on it. I got into the soft tub that was in our living room, too cool to have a baby in per the midwives, but felt amazing just the same. I floated for about 20 minutes before getting out and pacing again. They checked me and my cervix was thinned out but still covering the baby’s head, which was “right there”. I got up and paced again, begging to get into the bath again. I was given some oral arnica for pain and a couple shots of some kind of warm herbal concoction that was supposed to make my surges more efficient. 

We listened to my uplifting playlist and I just remember hearing one of my favorites, “Judy Blue Eyes” by Crosby, Stills and Nash where they speak to a Tuesday morning, which it was!

I wasn’t there for long before the midwives instructed me to get out and get into bed. I began actively pushing at this point, alternating between standing alongside the bed, with Ted holding me up by the arm pits while I squatted and pushed, and then getting into bed and pushing. They applied oxygen because the baby’s heart rate was dropping a bit. I never felt nervous about this and just huffed that gas as much as I could, which brought her heart rate up as hoped. Her head had trouble passing under my pubic bone, so alternating between the squat pushes and bed was the ticket. I didn’t expect to give birth in the back-lying position but that is what was needed to open my pelvis and allow her head to pass. It literally felt my rectum was going to split in half. The ring of fire lasted a while and it was hard to know the end of her head coming out and the rest of her body. We both reached down to feel it. Ted was behind me, cheering me along and Rachel at my side, both helping me hold my legs. I felt really juiced between pushes and remember only being able to push for one short breath, 3 times before needing to huff and puff for about 4 breaths. I guess on average first time mothers push for 2-4 hours. I did for 1.5 hrs.

She came out, awake, alert, with her eyes open, not blue but pinkish-blue with vernix and not breathing right away. We cleaned her off and stimulated her, got some of the clear secretions out of her mouth and then she cried her lungs out. Ted cried, I didn’t. It was surreal and beautiful. I was relieved it was over and OK with the pain and sensations I was having. About 4-5 minutes after her birth, her placenta was birthed, rushing out with a gush of blood that Dorothy made a face at, and I sensed her alarm. She immediately massaged my belly to stimulate my uterus to contract and that worked. Our two dogs came to sniff the scene and someone caught a picture of our babe reaching out and wrapping her tiny fingers around daddy’s index finger. Daddy and daughter did hours of skin to skin while I showered after he cut her umbilical cord a few hours later. She was 8 lbs even and we cheered with a little glass of champagne with our midwifes and doula. Her tiny little biceps and angelic, very feminine face are two things I remember from right after she came earth side; we hadn’t preemptively known her sex. Daddy was a natural, and usually very queasy around anything medical related, but he gracefully  entered full nurture mode!

Veyda Mae’s head was slightly bruised from passing under my pelvic bone, and for the next couple of days she would cry out in discomfort. She continued to hiccup a lot as she did on the inside. My body felt good afterwards and recovery was quick, using site baths often and the aloe vera-witch hazel peritoneal pads I had made. My nipples were terribly sore and I would nurse Veyda while silently crying, while Ted slept peacefully in bed. It felt very lonely. Being at home was everything for me. I continued the pregnancy tea and prenatal vitamins for some time after that. My mother in law and mother arrived the next day to help out which was amazing and I followed our midwives instruction to stay put for almost 35 out of the 40 days of the sacred tradition. What a trip! Thankful to the divine for this peaceful entry of our daughter. 

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2nd Homebirth: Paloma

Oct 2, 2021

YOUR BIRTH STORY

Today you are a week old. The days have literally blown by. I wanted to write this story down for you, so you and I and our family could remember the details, as told by me, your mother. I hope you someday cherish these notes, however raw, unedited or embarrassing. It’s all I’ve got and believe that recording memories, by photos or words, is important.

Here it goes!

I was awakened by my sister Laurel (who was living with us for the summer and working locally) trying to repeatedly turn over the stove, to light her water for coffee. We were out of propane…OUT. I got up and confirmed it, around 6:30 am. I felt some more frequent pangs that were becoming obvious. I was definitely in labor. I had been super excited to have a water birth, and now that was in peril because we wouldn’t be able to heat the bath. No hot water either. Similarly, with my first daughter’s birth, the soft “hot tub” we had in our living room didn’t ever get to birthing temperature either!

Anyway, Maia, my best friend and my Mom headed to the farmer’s market as I had invited them to attend our birth, if the timing worked out. They kept asking if they should go, because my surges were then about 10 min apart and they finally left the house, only to have Ted text them after they had just gotten there that things were progressing quickly.

Jessie and Rachel, your midwives were heading over. Surges were now coming every 4-5 min or so. This was all happening so quick! I became unable to talk much early on as the contraction were so intense and frequent. You were really on your way! I got in the bath and when Maia returned home she helped to heat up water on this induction stove top, bringing big pots every 20 min or so. It was so helpful-what irony we had no propane! The company was responsive after two frantic calls from me, and finally came to fill and the guy could hear me moaning and screaming from the bathroom lol. Ted ended up having to bleed the lines because air got in them; it took him most of the day to figure out after you were born. Poor Guy!

I tried to use gravity to my advantage although the pain and pressure were great, and I held on to the water faucet and rested my arms on the counter and swayed. Just like with Veyda, I didn’t really enjoy being touched. It was just too stimulating and took my mind away from the focus I needed to have-breathing through this intense, circulating, downward pressure…your head!

The midwives had lunch and a snack with Maia, my mom and firstborn Veyda while I contracted in the bathtub, checking in every now and again. When they heard the bellows arriving out of me, they sensed it was time to push her out. I don’t know how long this all took, but had you in 4 hours from onset of active labor. The urge to push was so strong, and I attempted to use each contraction to get you out a little further, even if it felt like I was splitting in two. You were coming swiftly, but I didn’t know how long or hard it would take. Suddenly, I was crowning, and the midwives made a plan for your daddy to get you then pass you through to me. Jessie would unwrap your umbilical cord from around your neck if that was the case (which it was, and very normal for most births!)

The video of me pushing is astounding. I can still feel the immense opening and primal urge as you emerged into the world, into water, and surrounded by love and awe. It made Veyda nervous seeing me in so much pain, but we had talked for months about it, and how she would need to try and be brave, which she was…you came out, and I was SO relieved. It had been a pretty challenging pregnancy, physically and mentally though everything was always perfectly normal and you grew so well inside. The last week of pregnancy was utterly painful and trying as I was so anxious to be done and to meet you. I guess this is also normal and many women feel it. I wanted everything to just flow naturally, and for labor to come on when you felt you were ready, and it did! I was so grateful it all went so well. I did feel in control, though with that level of pain and urgency you never do all the little things you envisioned, circling your hips on a ball, enjoying some aromatherapy or massage from your partner…but that is all fine, because you arrived safe and sound.

As you rose to the top of the water and into my arms, your eyes open, head bobbing around. Your tiny body covered in some seriously thick vernix, which soaked into your body like the most nourishing, moisturizing salve on earth. Grandma and I bathed you at day 3.5, just to get your bum and umbilicus cleaned up a bit, as the decaying remain of your stump smelled like a rotting animal. We gently washed your hair and grandma brushed it into the cutest little auburn mohawk, which quickly became dark and greasy again from all the kisses and hand strokes. You are so soft and dreamy. Your tiny hands and feet wrinkled and ready to be filled out by the fats of my milk. You latched fairly easily, though you have a tiny mouth and don’t root strongly the way Veyda did. Once you’re latched, you drink well and then will not permit more when my nipple slides out of your mouth. You always want to be held, but sleep soundly when tightly swaddled or extra warm. You like to wake up a while around 1am and just stare around, and sometimes I’m at a loss of what to say or sing to you. You’re enchantingly beautiful.

My mom leaves tomorrow after staying a little over a week and I have been utterly grateful for her help with Veyda and all of us. She has gotten some time to herself too and gone out with friends, spent time with Laurel etc.

Your daddy was an awesome labor support, just allowing space for me to do my thing. He and you had skin to skin time soon after birth and he also cut your umbilical cord. He has been waiting on me hand and foot though not spending a ton of time in this chamber with me. It can and already has started to feel a bit lonely, and today it kind of set in. This is just it for now.

I am totally devoted to you and Veyda and my healing process but the same walls can get a little monotonous after a while when the days pass in similar fashions. I enjoy getting things organized and cleaned up after a night of pillow trading, emptied glasses, dirty diapers until I am seized by the reminder that I should be healing my nether regions. At least the “afterpains” have subsided. I wear a girdle-thing to help hold and put my organs back into place. I’ve already dropped about 20 lbs of baby, placenta and fluid. I will work slowly and get back to a place where I feel beautiful and confident, and strong. I will not body shame or compare myself to others. What I did, and all women do, is fucking is incredible. I am so in awe of my body’s abilities overall.

This time around, my stress level was much lower, having time after maternity leave started to relax and enjoy my family and big pregnant belly, though it took a while to get to that point. I’ve been working hard and preparing for this for a while. That is why I am eternally grateful for this time with you, at home, in a more-than-comfortable setting, with everything and anything I could possibly need. To already know Ted better (he had just moved in when Veyda was born, although we had dated for 2.5 years before) and to lessen my work load were clutch in this process! Also not having much financial burden has decreased my stress, and a sense of peace that I’ve cultivated through spiritual practices made for a magical experience that I feel is an incredible karmic gift.

So baby girl, Paloma Wynter Wolff, you are immensely LOVED and CHERISHED. I will do everything in my power to keep you safe, to guide you in this complicated world, to show you the beauty that is everywhere, to be your guide and comrade through difficult times, to celebrate what your future holds. I love you. Thank you for coming to me and choosing me to be your momma. I hope you like your name 

You are waking up now and I must go. Your sister is sleeping next to you and I’m glad, at one week old, that I got to record your swift journey story and be present for the time we’ve had so far. Thank you.

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Betsy Coniglio, originally from Connecticut, (Pahquioque territory) pursuant of love, who mothers, partners, nurses, in Northern New Mexico (Tigua, Comanche, Lipan Apache territories) on her micro-homestead. As a curious person, you will find her foraging for mushrooms, hiking in these magical mountains, dabbling in all things spiritual and teaching her 2 young daughters to do the same. Live music, reading, cooking and snowboarding are her main passions, and she was also birthed at home like her older sister.